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Dear Daughters, Ellen DeGeneres refuses to be spokesperson for Bic For Her pens

Dear Daughters,

Ellen DeGeneres was asked to be the spokesperson for a new product launched by Bic – Bic For Her pens. Watch the video to learn more about the product and why Ellen DeGeneres said no way! The video transcription is provided below the video in this post.

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“So you know on my show what I like to do is I like to promote kindness and equal rights and I don’t like labels and I don’t see color – I’m like a cocker spaniel in that way – and I don’t like pointing out differences between people, especially men and women and I thought that women…we’ve made a lot of progress towards equality and we’re allowed to vote, I think since 1982 now, and we can wear pants, we can drive at night, all those things have happened. And then I saw something that makes me think we have a little ways to go. It’s a new product from Bic, the pen company, and they have a new line of pens called Bic For Her. This is totally real, they’re pens just for ladies…I know what you’re thinking…it’s about damn time…where have our pens been? Can you believe this? We’ve been using man pens all these years! Blechhhh! And they come in both lady colors – pink and purple. ¬†And they’re just like regular pens except they are pink so they cost twice as much. That is absolutely true as well. The worst part is, they don’t come with any instructions so like how do they expect us to learn how to write with them ya know? I was reading the back of the pack, well…I had a man read the back of the package to me and it said it’s designed to fit a woman’s hand. This is all true. I’m not making any of this up. Designed to fit a woman’s hand…what does that mean? So like when we’re taking down dictation from our bosses we’ll feel comfortable and we’ll forget we’re not getting paid as much? I don’t know. I mean just think over the last 20 years companies have spent millions of dollars making pills that grow men’s hair and fix men’s sex lives and now ladies have a pen. Wow, we’ve come a long way, baby! It’s so ridiculous and they called to ask me to be their spokesperson and I was outraged and I said I will never do a commercial for you and they said how much they would pay me and I was like okay. So here’s the commercial we shot:

Mother (played by Ellen): “Oh, what’s wrong, sweetie?”

Daughter: “I don’t know, sometimes I just feel…different.”

Mother: “That’s because you’re growing up. I think it’s time we had that talk – the pen talk”

Daughter: “But I can’t handle those man pens.”

Mother: “That’s why you need the new Bic For Her pen.”

Daughter: “There’s a pen for women?”

Mother: “There is now. They’re built strong enough for a man but simple enough that even a woman can understand how to use them. Here’s how it works. When you have an opinion you write it down on a piece of paper and then crumple it up and throw it away because no one wants to know our opinions, sweetheart.”

Daughter: “Wow! What else can I do with a Bic For Her pen?”

Mother: “Well, you can use it to write down a grocery list, or even recipes for when you need to feed your man. And it’s indestructible so it will stand up to all your wild mood swings.”

Daughter: “It’s so pretty.”

Mother: “It’s the only pen for ladies you’ll ever need.”

Daughter: “I can use it when I become President.”

Mother: “Oh, right.”

Mother and daughter break out in laughter at daughter’s statement.

Mother: “We should get back now.”

Daughter: “Okay.”

Mother and daughter walk along the beach. The commercial ends with picture of Bic For Her pens and tagline of – “For best results use while barefoot and pregnant.”

 

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